Masturbatheism
November 4, 2007
Masturbatheism, n.
The belief that a God who watches you masturbate does not exist.
A clarification should be made here between the two major schools of masturbatheism.
Orthodox masturbatheists strictly believe that it is nonsensical for God to be interested in people’s auto-erotic habits. Since most conceptions of God include divine voyeurism, there is a large overlap between atheists and masturbatheists.
Weak masturbatheists only believe that God isn’t interested in watching them masturbate while they are actually pleasuring themselves. After ejaculating they revert to belief in an omniscient, omnipresent God. This includes most Christian males.
