First memory of god

“Is Pastor Bill God?”

I remember feeling very small in our giant church. I must have tried to listen and understand what was going on for the first time that day. God was the very important person that we were always talking about. I asked my parents “Is Pastor Bill God?” I don’t know why I thought this or what the response was. But I think my confusion stuck with me, and this memory with it.

I think my conception of god must have started as Pastor Bill regardless. I thought of god as a man, with a loud voice, living in an impressive church, telling you what to do. Because my god-anthropomorphing started with Pastor Bill, I think it was doubly damaging when, in later years, I found Pastor Bill totally unable to answer even my simplest questions about religion.